youre lurking in front of me
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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