so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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