so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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