"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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