he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
