Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The uberlube is also flammable
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
