I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
