perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Can I color on your dick again?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
