I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
