Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
