i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
