She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have feelings that need drinking.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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