Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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