On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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