yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize