My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I believe in your delicious
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
