When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
you never un-have a 4some
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
