So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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