I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
