What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
