I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Randomize
