I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
