Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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