"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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