In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
