My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
