Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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