He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
