U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
