I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
