You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You are a genius and a whore.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
