Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
