Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
