I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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