hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize