I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
