well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
