: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
