It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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