I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize