Rock
Scissors
Fuck
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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