Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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