Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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