We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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