They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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