And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
