the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
