you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
