she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
