on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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