Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
