just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
