I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
this boner is exhausting
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
