Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
