Already got asked if we're dating
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
