he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
