u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
