"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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