Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
