My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
