I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
