party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
