JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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