Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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