What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
