i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
