everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
