Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize