It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
