I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
