Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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