In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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