and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I need help removing her.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
